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TRAVELOGS
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WHITE HASSLE - EUROPEAN TOUR 2003
With our new guest guitarist, Chris Maxwell (formerly of Skeleton Key
and currently of the Gleaners. See also www.eleganttoo.com), White Hassle
set off for Europe on a sultry November evening. Regrettably, budget constraints
don’t allow us to bring our extended family - Atsushi Numata on
turntable and Meredith Yayanos on violin. So as a trio we arrive at JFK
via yellow cab. While chit-chatting with the British Airways ticket agent,
Chris and I take turns weighing ourselves on the luggage scale. The flight
is full so our seats are upgraded to business class. We don’t complain.
To suddenly be thrust amongst the English and their English way of speaking
is off-putting at first. But I realize that they can’t help it and
I begin to feel sorry for them. (They pronounce “world” like
we pronounce “weld.” Their “class” rhymes with
our “boss.” Their “draught” rhymes with our “soft.”
And they don’t differentiate between the pronunciations of “fast”
and “first” as we do.)
Nov 3 - Travel
- Arrival in London. Hired driver, Roger, is honest with us: “To
be honest with you, I don’t really like America.” A nice welcome.
- Our friend Alan Boyd of Canada puts us up at his “flat”
and we celebrate Dave’s birthday with cake and singing.
Nov 4 - LONDON, ENGLAND
- Show at the Garage (rhymes with “carriage”). Small crowd,
good show.
- Later hang out at the Crown pub with comedian Demetri Martin and his
entourage.
Nov 5 - Travel
- Miss our flight to Brussels. Wait in Stansted airport for five hours
with Alan’s friend Anna for the next flight and entertain ourselves
with Chris’s video camera.
- Flight to Brussels takes 35 minutes. Belgian and German businessmen
fly alongside us while we slouch, unshaven and sullen, like rock stars.
- We meet Stefan, our driver and tour manager - an amiable 37 year-old
from Düsseldorf, Germany - who drives us to a hotel in Lille, France.
Nov 6 - TOURCOING, FRANCE
- We stroll Lille’s main square in the morning. Big church, beautiful
fountain, really old buildings, cobblestones, etc.
- Show at Le Grand Mix (means “the big mix”). The Marones,
a French Ramones cover band, open for us.
- Lighting man asks us for a set list with adjectives describing each
song so he can light us “properly.” I supply one with arbitrarily
assigned French words such as “blasé,” “maxi,”
“cliché,” and “le bomb.”
- Afterward a Mademoiselle tells us that when we began playing she suddenly
recognized the voice and drumming of our previous band, Railroad Jerk
and was pleasantly surprised.
Nov 7 - EVREUX, FRANCE
- A great show. The audience (of mostly men in their 30’s and 40’s)
love it and demand encores.
- Home of promoter Jean-Christophe Alpincourt, to whom we are grateful
for connecting us with Fargo Records in Paris.
- Cultural traits: When a French person wants to indicate (without words)
the end of something he/she will pantomime slitting his/her throat. Also,
when a French person is at a loss for words he/she invariably purses his/her
lips and blows out air.
Nov 8 - PARIS, FRANCE
- Many sights to see in France (an eye full in Paris).
- The Champs Elysees is lined with French flags. Reminds me of the way
we Americans like to show our patriotism also.
- Smoke in the bars is killing me. Thinking of taking up smoking.
- Kieu Nguyen comes to the show with her brother and friend. We have dinner
with Scott McCloud of Girls vs Boys, Jennie Boddy and Lisa Gottheil of
NYC.
- Michel Pampelune and Clement of Fargo Records greet us. Michel’s
3 year-old daughter engages us in a game of catch with her stuffed bear.
- The local paper, Liberation, raves about our CD.
Nov 9 - ANGELOUME, FRANCE
- Unfortunately when the French pronounce “White Hassle” it
comes out “White ‘Assle.”
- Le Nef club in rural Angeloume. A Sunday evening. Low energy, good sound.
- Discussing music, Chris and I agree that the sixties were over by 1968.
Nov 10 - Travel
- We are awakened by workmen on the floor above us in the hotel at 8:00
am.
- Eight hours of driving to Chambery, France.
- We bat around ideas for naming the tour and settle on the “Forgive
me Father for I have rocked” tour.
Nov 11 - Travel
- Seven hours through tunnel after tunnel to Italy, briefly glimpsing
mountains and daylight whilst heading into the next tunnel. Eating chocolate
to stave off boredom.
- Arrive at the Mediterranean coastal resort town of Marina di Massa in
Italy at 5pm. Off-season the town is quiet and the beach dirty.
- We see J Mascis perform at a nearby club. (eh.)
Nov 12 - MARINA DI MASSA, ITALY
- Laundress gives a grammar lesson: “Americani” (plural) and
“Americano” (singular). When I suggest she give us a discount
for the wet clothes she is handing us, she laughs long and hard. I laugh
too, but i am not joking.
- Hotel proprietor frowns all day in front of the TV in the lobby. We
communicate with “per favores” and “grazies.”
She charges us 20 euros ($20) for internet use. We are too monolingual
to complain.
- Discussion at dinner with Italian promoter Giovanni Meli and soundman
about world events and America. Someone points out that before 9/11 America
had not been attacked on its own shores. I remind everyone that in the
early years of America’s history we were repeatedly attacked by
Indians.
- We play well to unappreciative audience.
Nov 13; PESCARA, ITALY
- Italian men kiss each other even when they are not gay (albeit on the
cheeks). We witness this several times, but don’t engage in the
practice ourselves.
- Eight hours of nauseating hairpin curves to Pescara on the Adriatic
coast. We take turns jumping rope at roadside stops to keep fit. Order
pizza and cappuccinos to assuage boredom. Giovanni rides with us; Stefan
steady at the wheel. Unspectacular scenery.
- Show at small bar is good despite difficult sound.
- Dave and Stefan stay at promoter Paolo’s parents’ house
in the countryside. Chris and I stay at the most horrid, putrid excuse
for a hotel possible. Crumbling, mismatched 1950s furniture; a bathroom
down the hall with a door so low that you have to stoop to enter; no toilet
seats; the hallway smells like vomit; sagging beds; and we are given tablecloths
for towels.
Nov 14 - CESENA, ITALY
- Lunch at Paolo’s parents’ villa in the countryside at the
invitation of Paolo’s mother, Sylvanna, a vivacious and gracious
woman in her late 40s with a certificate in cooking. She dominates the
conversation, carrying on only in Italian. We nod and appreciate her hospitality.
Excellent lunch of bread, pasta, salad, ham, cheeses, olive oil, wine,
fruit, garlic, canolis, and liqueur for desert. This more than makes up
for last night’s bad hotel experience. Sylvanna gives us 3 mints
each as we are leaving and says they are for “health, luck, and
love.”
- My brother, Peter, and sister, Rachel, meet us in Cesena 2 hours from
Pescara.
- We meet 72 year-old Joe P., originally of New Jersey, who spent 60 years
in Italy and now lives on a nearby farm. Joe stays to watch the show.
- Lovely Arianna Leonardi studying languages, works at the coat check.
- DJ Marco asks Dave and I to autograph his copies of Railroad Jerk records.
He has nearly all of them.
- A great show. Several hundred in the audience. Dancing and drinking
afterward.
Nov 15 - MESTRE, ITALY
- Three hour drive to Mestre, on the outskirts of Venice.
- Not a full house, but a good show.
Nov 16 - Travel
- We wake early and take a 15-minute bus ride to Venice. Giovanni leads
us through the labyrinthine streets to San Marco plaza and we have lunch.
- We bid farewell to my sister and brother, to Giovanni, and to Italy
and make our way north to Germany.
- Seven hours of alpine driving lands us in Munich at 9pm. A delicious
Bavarian meal at the Augustiner Keller.
Nov 17 - MUNICH, GERMANY
- Sausages and beer at the Weisses Brauhaus, a traditional Bavarian Restaurant.
I want to visit a particular museum, but it is closed on Monday.
- Liang Chen of NYC and her German boyfriend show up at the show.
- A terrible show that takes a turn for the better. Everything that could
go wrong does. It is one of those nightmares that all musicians have (??
-Ed.) come true. Poor sound, broken strings, faulty tuning, pin-drop silences
and restless murmuring from the audience. And yet, like the guy who recently
swam Niagara Falls, we survive. We pull through in the end on sheer determination
and emotive power. We are urged to do an encore. Our merchandise sales
are unprecedented and we sign autographs for an enthusiastic audience.
The irony of all this does not pass by us unnoticed.
- Bianca and Annette attend the show having won tickets from a local radio
station. A young man presents me with a CD of his band which, he says,
was inspired by having seen White Hassle as a two-piece back in 1998 in
Munich.
- DJ Andreas plays obscure Railroad Jerk and White Hassle tracks that
even we have forgotten.
- Drinking and dancing ensues.
Nov 18 - DRESDEN, GERMANY
- Very hard to find time to draw. If time does suddenly become available
(after a soundcheck or on a day off) it is either too dark backstage or
too cold, too many people are around, or at the hotel there is no desk.
- Watching European TV, it is reassuring to realize that stupidity, contrary
to what some would have you believe, is not the sole domain of American
culture.
- Germany is not the best place for guitar music. Berlin’s techno
“love fest” draws thousands yearly and the German band, Chicks
on Speed, have a hit song “We Don’t Play Guitars.” We
consider covering the song.
- Cavernous club in former East Germany. We play well. Beautiful city.
Nov 19 - BERLIN, GERMANY
- The show’s promoter is German, but raised in Texas so we are surprised
at first to hear his perfect English (Texas? -Ed.) Suddenly it is as if
we are at some shit-hole club in Houston. We are treated to Chinese take-out
and must fight to get our share of beer from the opening band. The promoter
is making excuses, blaming our label, and citing competing shows to explain
a poor turnout. We don’t care.
- Neven Dolos and friends come, as does Chotiya Chotipintu who raises
a fuss over not being allowed to have more than three guests on the list.
Nov 20 - COPENHAGEN, DENMARK
- Ferry to Denmark in misty rain and inky water. Lunch is potatoes and
seafood.
- Promoter has us stay at his mother’s house down the street. He
takes us to Christiana, the infamous ex-military compound turned hippie
commune where hash and marijuana are flaunted.
- Blonde people everywhere. Reminds me of Minnesota.
- Low volume, high energy set at small restaurant by a canal.
Nov 21 - STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN
- Seven hours of mind-numbing, rain-soaked, forest-lined driving and we
are in Stockholm. Half of the ride is in darkness as the sun (what sun?)
sets at 4pm. We read and doze while Stefan and his girlfriend Renata (who
joined us in Berlin) take turns at the wheel.
- It is amazing how homogenous political thinking in Europe is. Everywhere
everyone exhorts the horribleness of George W. Bush, our president. To
find a Bush supporter in Europe is like finding a locked bicycle in Scandinavia
(or an unlocked one in New York for that matter). You would be hard pressed
to find a European, not named Tony Blair, who favors Bush. Very little
room for dissent here. Perhaps it is youthful idealism. Am I jaded? I
am not for Bush.
- Stockholm is beautiful, cold, and rainy. Keeping track of money from
CD and t-shirt sales is difficult now as the Scandinavians do not use
the Euro.
- We meet Becky Ohlson, who writes for Lonely Planet travel guides, and
Sofia Englund, an aspiring psychiatrist. The show goes well despite poor
sound on stage.
Nov 22 - MALMO, SWEDEN
- A repeat eight hour drive, like the day before, brings us to Malmo.
Our last stop.
- We drink a toast with Stefan, our steadfast and faithful driver, whom
we have come to consider one of us.
- Amy Leo of NYC and her Swedish boyfriend, Eric, come to the show.
- A good show. Afterward a dance club.
The next morning we rush to the ferry that takes us to Germany where we
catch an afternoon flight to London. Security personnel at the airport
are alarmed when bottles of German beer in Dave’s luggage break.
Alan Boyd and Anna meet us in London where we stay one night before catching
our transatlantic flight to New York. We enjoy a final meal in London
at an excellent Indian restaurant. Upon touching ground at JFK, we and
our fellow passengers burst into applause, grateful to be back, but enriched
by our experiences abroad.
xoxo - White Hassle
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WHITE HASSLE GOES TO FRANCE (JULY 2000)
jetlagged, we were driven to evreux, about 50 miles west of gay paris.
we played that afternoon at the local library. it was strange to say the
least; people were reading as we played. then at about 7pm we played at
the fest which was like lollapalooza: kids, tents, food, tibet shit, etc.
there were other acts too, some on the big stage, others, like bob log
of doo rag, under the small tent that we played at. it didn't matter which
tent you played, they staggered it so most people watched both shows...
after playing a decent set, we wandered the grounds. matt made friends
w/ a lesbian and we all signed a few autographs. one guy said 'hey you
didn't play any from the first album,' another said 'what's up w/ rrjerk?'
we slept in separate rooms at a local economy hotel. no one got laid.
next day we got driven to gay paris and to our shitty economy hotel there.
france won the soccer championship that nite so everyone was going crazy.
it was matt's 1st time in paris, dave and i were more jaded. we discovered
a bar where they do your hair for free. dave got spikey and matt got more
mousse. i was a spoil-sport and just watched. we saw some hot girls, but
didn't find the opportunity to say to them "parley vous english?"
matt said let's go see naked ladies. so we found a place. hah, what a
joke. the man outside said we would see live fucking. well, the fucking
never happened. instead 3 women sat next to us and started getting cozy.
the manager said 'you wanna buy ze ladies a drink?' no, i said. but matt
went for it. dave's girl was about 40 yrs old, matt's had a short afro,
and mine was average. mine asked that i tip her if i wasn't gonna buy
the strange green drink for her. ok i said. dave told his lady to scram.
matt kept up the chatter with his. after a while the whole thing became
a joke all designed to siphon money from us (can you believe it?). so
we turned the ashtray upside down, put plant leaves on the table, and
told the manager as we left how amazing we thought his club was. even
in english i think the sarcasm came through.
then as we walked and the people of france were still celebrating, some
youths came up to us and started touching matt. suddenly they grabbed
a 100F note from his pocket and waltzed away. worth only $14 it was no
big deal economically. but emotionally it was degrading and matt was pissed,
understandably. we stood around doing nothing. i ate a crepe then we went
to the hotel. no one got laid.
next day we slept. then walked around the sites: notre damn, eiffel tower,
etc. turned in early. no one got laid.
next day i went to a museum to see marcel proust's bedroom. then we all
met at the catacombs and toured the city's underground aquaducts with
human bones in them. cool. then we ate italian and went to the "cool"
area of paris and drank. i did sketches etc. we ran into chan marshall
of catpower, but her b.f. dragged her away. we spoke to some parisians
and some foreigners, but made little or no headway on getting laid.
next day flew back to nyc.
the end
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WHITE HASSLE
ON TOUR WITH THE BLUES EXPLOSION
DECEMBER 2000
At the last minute we were given the thumbs-up for a 5-day tour with the
Blues Explosion. We made last-minute arrangements and then spent last-minute
christmases with our families. We invited Atsushi, our D.J., to accompany
us with his turntable and beats.
Detroit was the first show. The weather was cold and snowy. The crowd
of mostly young goatee’d males were enthusiastic and “pumped.”
Two girls who said they were born in 1982 approached me after our show
and asked me to autograph a drumstick. When I invited them backstage they
couldn’t believe it. “No way,” they said. “Yes way,”
I said. Backstage we ate chips and salsa and drank beer. And we mooched
from the Blues Explosion food tray (They said it was cool).
[Driving through the Midwest was ideal for mullet watching (mullet: a
hairstyle characterized by short hair in the front and long in the back).
We were able to observe the many different species in their natural habitat.
At times we were able to spot three or four mullets at a time congregating.]
In Chicago my brother and two sisters came. After the show we went to
The Empty Bottle to see Cash Audio. It was freezing outside. That night
we slept on the floor of Ron Sievers’ hotel room downtown. (Ron put
out our EP - “Life is Still Sweet” last summer on his label,
Orange Recordings.) Matt and Ron shared the double bed.
The road to St. Louis was treacherous. We saw at least 25 cars in the
ditch because of snowy, slippery roads. The weather was so blizzardy at
times we couldn’t even tell if we were going forward or backward.
My brother, Peter, drove to St. Louis too and we used walkie talkies to
communicate from car to car.
In St. Louis my Aunt and Uncle and cousins came. Peter sold CD’s
for us. The St. Louis arch glowed awesomely in the snow and sleet above
us next to the icy Mississippi River. We stayed at my Aunt and Uncle’s
suburban home that night. I borrowed a can of shaving cream from my Uncle
Don that looked like it was from the seventies. The shave was a little
rough. The next morning Uncle Don cooked eggs and my cousin, Cathy, came
over with her husband, Ward, and their new baby, Brett.
In Cincinnati a guy in the audience was waving his fingers around, at
times making the devil sign and at times flying just the middle one. Atsushi
was angered by this, but I didn’t mind. Despite that guy, the audience
seemed to like us. Especially when we played our harmonica/drum jam “Futura
Trance.”
We noticed that a German guy had been following the tour. He told us that
he was traveling by Greyhound bus. We put him on the guest list for a
few shows.
Nashville was New Year’s Eve. We bought fireworks as we crossed the
border into then Vice President Al Gore’s home state.
On the drive back to nyc we stopt in west virginia to visit Matt’s
folks who served us lunch.
The End
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